Domestic violence can be called the scourge of our time. A rare person finds the strength to break out of such a family hell. But, even breaking free, not everyone can navigate and behave correctly. Consider all possible scenarios.
Definition
Of course, you need to start with the definition. Domestic violence is a deliberate coercion to do something when the rapist does not pay attention to the interests and desires of the victim. As a rule, such aggressive dominance ends with psychological and physical trauma. The reason why this behavior is called domestic violence is simple - such dominant relationships are built between close people, connected by blood ties, or between spouses.
Domestic violence does not have any particular form. No one is safe from him. A victim may be a little boy, an elderly person, a woman, or sometimes even a man.
According to statistics, more than seventy percent of victims of domestic violence are girls and women.
Consider the types of violence in more detail.
Psychological violence
This means that people are constantly trying to dominate the emotions and feelings of a person. To understand whether this type of violence is taking place, one needs to pay attention to whether there are threats, insults, constant condemnation and criticism. Thus, the rapist is trying to underestimate the self-esteem of his victim and suppress her will.
If violence occurs against a woman, then most often the rapist also uses sexual and physical violence. The sad thing is that psychological violence is almost impossible to prove. This is because it does not leave obvious traces, unlike, for example, the physical one. It is impunity that makes psychological torture the norm in many families.
Signs of psychological abuse
Not all people perceive these signs as domestic violence in the family. But, nevertheless, if there are more than three signs in family relationships - this is an occasion to beware. So, the signs are:
- The husband talks in public about the shortcomings of his wife, makes fun of her.
- The husband does not take into account the opinion of a woman, and sometimes does not even interest him.
- Communication with sarcasm and constant insults by the husband is considered the norm.
- Spouse is subject to excessive custody.
- A man inspires his wife with the idea that she is stupid and wrong in all matters.
- The rapist accuses the victim of disrespect.
- You never hear an apology from your spouse.
- A man absolutely does not care what interests his wife.
- The spouse does not want to recognize and discuss family problems.
- The wife is always to blame for any life difficulties and troubles.
- Often you can hear threats.
- Spouse establishes rules that no one can change or break.
- A woman does not have personal time and the right to rest. Any manifestation is perceived as laziness.
- The wife does not like to be with her husband. Sometimes she’s even afraid to stay with him.
- The spouse is constantly depressed and feels humiliated.
- A man arranges jealousy from scratch and completely controls finances.
Line of conduct
Unfortunately, domestic violence in the family is not uncommon. But despite this, not every victim knows how to behave correctly.
The best line of conduct will be the rejection of such a difficult relationship. This is the most correct option, which will save you from suffering and maintain health. The problem is that not every woman has the courage to take such a step.
Therefore, you need to understand that domestic violence takes place.After all, it often happens that the victims do not want to talk about the situation in the family, trying to justify the tyrant’s behavior. In no case should you do this, because such behavior only encourages the rapist to take further actions.
If, nevertheless, the victim found the strength and decided to break with the rapist, then she needs to nullify the relationship and not believe the tyrant in his promises to change, and that everything will be different. Most often this is a lie to which the rapist resorts, so as not to lose his victim.
As soon as a woman returns to the family, the behavior becomes the same. Therefore, do not be afraid to be alone. It is necessary to break off such relations, and to cope it was easier, you can contact specialized centers. Such a social center for the family can provide psychological assistance, provide legal advice if necessary.
Causes of Psychological Abuse
Domestic violence in the history of Russian everyday life is already almost normal. They are so used to it that many women blame themselves for such an attitude. This is fundamentally wrong tactics, because it provokes a repetition of the situation.
According to psychologists, then potential tyrants are people who had a difficult childhood. And this is not always the case with money problems. Most often these are children humiliated in the past who have not received warmth and love.
Another reason that there is a desire to humiliate and subjugate may be, on the contrary, the lack of boundaries in childhood. Those children who were allowed absolutely everything and did not instill any moral principles also have great chances to turn into domestic rapists.
Sexual abuse
Domestic violence in Russian history has often been accompanied by sexual violence. It is characterized by humiliation during sex or coercion. Women who are sexually abused are painful, humiliated, and weak. Why women? Because it is a man who takes on the role of aggressor. More often this happens due to the fact that in ordinary life a woman dominates. And the only area of life where a man can show his superiority is sex. But not only a woman can become a victim of violence. It is sad, but children can suffer from sexual violence. Growing up, they gain a bunch of complexes and hostility to the male sex. Very rarely, children dare to talk about their problem and ask for help.
Physical violence
If I may say so, then our country is "famous" for domestic violence. In Russia, there is even such a saying, “it beats, then it loves. This is absolutely not the case. Physical abuse is not a measure of love, but rather, on the contrary, a scale of hatred. A characteristic feature is harm to the victim’s health. And the saddest thing is that a very large number of women simply suffer and do nothing with it. Of course, there are reasons for a passive position. Most often this is a fear of loneliness, a fear of single mother status, a complex of “what people think” or a banal dependence on a rapist.
Women's mistakes
Domestic violence in the history of Russian everyday life is a familiar thing. And the point is not even how a man relates, but that a woman does nothing to make it different.
A frequent female delusion "he will change." The strange thing is that ladies usually see how they are treated even before the relationship has passed into marriage. But almost everyone hopes that she will be able to change her chosen one. Unfortunately, not everybody gets it.
Another mistake can be considered attempts to justify the tyrant. This is unlikely to help. And to understand for sure, it is best to look at the family in which the rapist grew up. If it is considered normal for them to show aggressive dominance, then you need to run away from there with all your legs.
The most stupid mistake is the fear of loneliness. Of course, it is very difficult to overcome, but this must be done. At least for the future, children.
The last mistake is the victim’s thought that the rapist commits all actions unconsciously. Yes, it becomes more difficult to control actions under the influence of alcohol, but this does not mean that the tyrant is not aware of his actions. Alcohol cannot completely change a person, but can make all problems more pronounced.
Who will help?
You cannot tolerate domestic violence. As soon as the realization that such behavior is abnormal has come, an urgent need to seek a way out of the situation. You can’t put up with this state of affairs.
You can contact your problem:
- to the Office of Family Affairs;
- to the international center for the protection of women's rights;
- to the police station;
- to the center of psychological assistance.
In any of these places, the victim will be asked to write a statement with all the details. Psychological centers will teach you how to react to aggression and help you get rid of your own fears.
Shoot the beatings?
This question excites a large number of women. Yes, all bodily injuries must be recorded. They will be needed in order to write a statement to the police. In order for the beatings to be attested, the victim of domestic violence must go to the emergency room. In addition to fixing injuries, doctors should reflect in the certificate information that this was done by a family member or loved one.
No matter how embarrassing or embarrassing, but if it comes to the emergency room, you should not show beatings selectively. It is better to fix everything at once, while carefully monitoring that the doctor does not make a mistake in the location, size or nature of the damage.
Strongly impossible to talk about the accidental everyday origin of injuries. After such words, the accuser cannot be blamed for anything.
Stages of violence
It is constantly repeating actions that distinguish randomness from the manifestation of violence.
- The voltage rises. The tyrant is annoyed and it doesn’t matter whether or not. Interestingly, neither the victim nor the rapist recognize this tension. Excuses such as tiredness at work or feeling unwell are used. Usually a woman tries to calm her partner and smooth out his irritation. But irritation does not go away, it can disappear only for a while, then to manifest itself with renewed vigor. This stage has no time frame. It can end within a week, and can last several months.
- Active violence. The tyrant is trying to release the tension. And then he draws attention to his loved ones. It does not need any reason for the rapist to proceed to action. Enough slanting eyes. A flash of rage can take a small amount of time, and can last several hours. Almost always, a tyrant chooses a moment when outsiders do not see what is happening. No matter what form of violence the tyrant has chosen, he will always accompany his actions with humiliation and insults. You can often hear that the rapist accuses the victim of his actions. Preventing domestic violence will not help. Because the tyrant is looking for a way out of his emotions. At this stage, both the rapist and the victim acknowledge that the problem exists, but it still does not seem serious.
- Stage of remorse. After a flash of rage, a period of remorse follows. The tyrant goes to any actions to atone for his guilt and, as a rule, he succeeds. The victim believes that domestic violence against a woman will end. And this despite the fact that the rapist still accuses the victim of provocation and bringing to aggression. Usually, remorse does not last long.
Further, everything returns to normal. Naturally, no one is going to change and keep promises about a brighter future. When the victim ceases resistance, the rapist may repent altogether. Constantly violence against a person leads to the fact that health is deteriorating, and psychologically the victim turns into a wreck. When there is nothing left, then even the most selfless person has the thought of leaving. But sometimes even close relatives do not support the victim in this.In such a situation, you need to gather all your will into a fist and leave, without looking back and not sparing.
Is violence regulated by law?
Due to the fact that the problem is now quite acute, it was decided to create a law on the prevention of domestic violence. This bill, in addition to three types, also includes the concept of economic violence.
Economic violence is a type of violence when a person or group of persons is deliberately deprived of money or property for which he has a legal right. This also includes damage or destruction of property, actions that create obstacles to the ownership of this property, various methods of forced labor, which are considered difficult or unhealthy. In addition, this concept includes any other actions that cause bad consequences for the victim.
According to this clause, family relations turn into purely business relations and for each damaged property they will have to answer before the law. In this case, excuses are not accepted that the thing fell under the hot hand, or that the actions carried a good purpose.
It is not clear how the framework for hard work for children will be defined in the article on domestic violence. A vivid example can be given when the flaws in the law led to absurdities. So, in Germany, a woman was fired from her job because her daughter, who was seven years old, helped to wipe the dust. But why go far if you can find similar cases in our country. In the Moscow guardianship authorities on the walls, one could see posters on which the child holds a vacuum cleaner in his hands. Everything would be fine, but the poster was crossed out.
It is possible that the result of such a bill would be just a ban on child domestic work.
Also, according to the bill, educational institutions will introduce lessons on the prevention of domestic violence. They will help children cope with their fears and help adults if necessary.
According to the bill, it will be possible to apply the law to the person who committed the violence.
The federal law on the prevention of domestic violence also provides for several measures. It:
- preventative conversation;
- preventive accounting;
- special psychological programs;
- judicial protective order;
- protective order.
Article in the Criminal Code
Not so long ago, our law has once again undergone changes. Now the Criminal Code does not provide for punishment for domestic beatings. If earlier they were punished for them as assault from hooligan motives, now the domestic rapist faces an administrative punishment. This happened due to the fact that there was and had great support for the opinion that it was believed that the law unceremoniously interferes in the family life of citizens.
Now, according to the law, if the beatings are committed for the first time, then this is considered an administrative offense, and a fine of thirty thousand or an arrest for fifteen days, as well as correctional labor, can be punished.
And only when a person inflicts repeated beatings in a year, it will be possible to apply the law on domestic violence to him. According to him, a tyrant can receive criminal punishment, which can be in the form of correctional labor for two hundred and forty hours, a fine in the amount of forty thousand rubles, compulsory labor for six months.
Naturally, not everyone is happy with such amendments. A huge number of people believe that such changes have untied the hands of domestic tyrants. Representatives of the law think differently.
In their opinion, such changes give the tyrant a chance to improve. It seems to them that after one administrative punishment, the rapist will stop before repeating his experience.
Women's memo
Before justifying the rapist, it is worth remembering that any kind of violence is potentially dangerous to life and health. Indeed, according to statistics, half of the women who ended up in a hospital bed were there “thanks” to home tyrants.Based on this sad trend, social workers have developed a certain algorithm of actions that every woman should know.
- After the incident, you must wait for the tyrant to calm down. After that, you need to have a serious conversation.
- No need to hide injuries. They need, on the contrary, to show and list. What does not need to be shown is fear.
- Need to have a conversation with neighbors. The purpose of the conversation should be to convince people of the need to call the police if screams are heard outside the wall.
- It is better to pre-select a separate place for documents, money. It is also necessary to provide yourself with shelter.
- You must not allow yourself to be afraid or embarrassed. After all, her life and the life of a child depend on the timely actions of a woman. Nothing is imprinted in memory like children's fears and grievances.
In conclusion, I would like to add that in such a dangerous situation a woman has no right to spare the rapist. The only thing that requires pity is their health and the life of the child. The psyche of children is very plastic, but domestic violence is a serious injury that not everyone can recover from. Moreover, children need a happy childhood, a happy and healthy mother, and not a humiliated and clogged creature and a father with red eyes with rage. It is this picture that will remain in memory, and who knows if such a child will grow up as a family tyrant himself. After all, the statistics are disappointing and just says that all the problems are from childhood.