Constructive communication: concept, basic rules and features. Communication with people

Every day we have to communicate with a huge number of people. It can be a nice friendly conversation, and a serious business conversation. Regardless of the situation, I want to have fun and some result from communications. This is only possible if constructive communication takes place.

What it is?

Constructive communication is the ability to convey your thoughts to an interlocutor objectively, without any value judgments, with respect to someone else's point of view. Simply put, this is the ability to speak, listen, and most importantly - hear your opponent. At the same time, it is important to manage your emotions without showing a violent reaction to what the interlocutor said.

If you feel tension in communication with others and find yourself in conflict situations almost daily, then you need to be more careful in such a category as communication culture. Get ready for the fact that you have to review a number of moral and ethical values, as well as acquire some useful skills.

What hinders constructive communication?

Constructive communication is not as difficult as it might seem. However, without noticing it, people can create obstacles to meaningful dialogue. Key negative factors in communication can be described as follows:

• A value judgment on a situation or person. You can never be completely sure that the interlocutor fully shares your views. That is why it is important to speak with facts, without giving arguments for or against.
• Words for duty. Saying to a person "you must ...", you pre-configure him against yourself. No one likes to obey. Talk to the person so that he himself wants to fulfill your wish.
• Intrusive questions. If a person does not want to disclose any information to you, you should not arrange for him to be interrogated. This will not lead to success, but it can cause serious conflict.
• Diagnosis of motives of behavior. Do not try to convince a person that he is acting in a certain way for any specific reason. “You are afraid”, “you are jealous” and other phrases, even if they are true, can offend the interlocutor and cause an attack of aggression in him.
• Denial of the problem. Even if the situation seems trifling to you, it can be of decisive importance for your interlocutor. Have respect for other people's experiences.
• Transition to another topic. Even if you are terribly uninterested in what the interlocutor is talking about, you should not change the vector of the conversation. It is tactless and offensive.
• Competitive moment. Often, listening to someone’s successes and achievements, people try to beat their interlocutor, demonstrating their superiority. This does not characterize a person in the best way.
• Order tone. “Do,” “bring,” “say,” and other words in an incentive mood set up the interlocutor against you and heat up the situation. All that you want to achieve from your opponent must be in the form of a request.

What else hinders constructive communication?

Communication with people is not always constructive. Obstacles to a productive dialogue may include the following factors:

• Discussion of the past. Even if the problem was relevant no earlier than yesterday, you should not return to it. The events that have happened cannot be changed, but they often cause conflicts. It is possible to turn to the past only if existing experience will help in solving current problems.
• Wrong choice of interlocutor.Sometimes a person begins to discuss a problematic issue with someone who can in no way contribute to its solution. The powerlessness of the interlocutor in this matter can be perceived aggressively, and therefore a conflict on this basis is inevitable.
• An attempt to change others. If you have a specific problem, then you should focus on fixing it, and not on trying to rebuild your interlocutor.

Communication Barriers

Why is constructive communication not always taking place? Psychology explains this by the existence of barriers, among which it is worth highlighting:

• Avoidance Barrier - Avoiding contacts due to the fact that the interlocutor can have a negative impact. This feeling can be based on both personal hostility and objective factors.
• The barrier of authority is connected with the fact that some people have unconditional trust due to their social status or personal characteristics. All others are deprived of such favor.
• The phonetic barrier is a banal non-perception of the interlocutor’s speech. This may be due to speaking speed, loudness, speech defects or voice timbre.
• The semantic barrier is connected with the lexicon that the speaker uses in his monologue. Even if a person talks about a serious problem, the use of slang terms or slang expressions can turn away the listener.
• A barrier of shame and guilt arises from self-doubt. A person is embarrassed to express his thoughts, which is why it is simply impossible to build a constructive dialogue with him.

How to relieve emotional stress during a conversation?

Constructive communication involves a cold mind, and excessive emotionality will be inappropriate. This leads to a loss of control over the situation and serious conflicts. To relieve stress, you can use these methods:

• Do not build defenses and do not use attack tactics. If you understand that you are being unfairly accused, do not fall upon your opponent with reciprocal criticism, because this is a demonstration of a low level of culture. It is also not worth defending and making excuses, because this is a manifestation of weakness. The most reasonable solution is to calmly and thoroughly explain your point of view.
• Identify the source of negative emotions and try to eliminate it. It is possible that aggression is not directed specifically at you, but is associated with some external stimuli. Try to solve them and reassure your opponent.
• Show openness and readiness to understand your interlocutor. Even if a person is aggressive and angry, you must demonstrate your listening skills. By allowing your opponent to speak out, you can count on further communication in more even and calm colors.

Basic conditions for constructive communication

Human life is inextricably linked to communications. With their help, we transmit and receive important information, resolve issues of varying degrees of importance and complexity. In order to extract only benefits and positive emotions from interaction with people, a culture of communication is necessary. It implies the following:

• His interlocutor should be taken as an equal. Regardless of whose social status is higher, who has the right point of view, one must hold on to respect and dignity.
• It is necessary to respect the right of another person to their own point of view. Even if you consider it fundamentally wrong, you have no right to force the person you are talking to to take your side.
• Do not underestimate the importance of the person and actions of the interlocutor. What he does is his life experience and moral values. These categories require respect.

Technique of constructive communication: 8 rules

It would seem that it might be easier to communicate? From early childhood, we perceive and reproduce speech. Nevertheless, to communicate with people was pleasant and useful, you need to be guided by the following rules:

1. Speak the language of the opponent.If this is a simple person with an average level of education, do not splurge him with complex terms and sophisticated expressions. And vice versa. If the interlocutor is a cut above you, you need to strive to look decent and not get lost on his background.
2. Highlight your respect for the interlocutor in every way. This should be manifested not only in words, but even in gestures and facial expressions.
3. Look for points of contact with your opponent. If you find that you have something in common (life circumstances, personality traits, etc.), it will be much easier for you to build a dialogue.
4. Be interested in the problems of the interlocutor. If he wants to share something with you, be sure to listen.
5. Let the opponent talk. Even if you fundamentally disagree with his point of view, he should be able to say everything he thinks about it. Then you will also have the right to give detailed arguments.
6. Use the rule of "verbalization of emotions." Speak what you feel. This will relieve tension and build trust.
7. Speak specifically. If you have options for getting out of the situation, be sure to submit them. Otherwise, you should not continue the dialogue, because it will lead you to a dead end.
8. Do not take the interlocutor negatively. If he does something and says something wrong, do not attribute it to his personal qualities. Consider this an erroneous behavior caused by a combination of circumstances.

Listening Techniques

The features of constructive communication are so numerous that mastering them requires some time and then regular practice. It is interesting that you will have to learn not only to convey, but also to perceive information. In this regard, the following hearing techniques are distinguished:

• Active (reflective) listening implies a constant reflection of information. To show the interlocutor how attentive you are to his words, you need to constantly ask some clarifying questions. This will demonstrate your respect for the opponent, and also allow you to hold attention without losing the thread of the conversation.
• Passive (non-reflective) listening implies a complete focus on information. At the same time, you do not interrupt the interlocutor, do not interfere with his monologue. To demonstrate your opponent’s attention, periodically nod your head to indicate that you are listening and understanding.
• Empathic listening involves empathy with the interlocutor. You must not only understand his emotional state, but also share it and demonstrate it in every way.

Empathic Listening Technique

If you want to build constructive interpersonal communication, it is recommended to master the technique of empathic listening. It implies compliance with the following rules:

• Tune in to the hearing. This means that at the time of the dialogue you should forget about your own problems, the events surrounding you, emotional experiences. Clear your emotional background to understand and accept the feelings of the interlocutor.
• In response to the words of the partner, convey in your monologue everything that you managed to feel. The more accurately you catch the interlocutor’s emotions, the closer and more trusting your relationship will be.
• After the answer, be sure to observe the pause. This time is allotted to the interlocutor in order to ponder your words, collect your thoughts and continue the dialogue. Do not take this as an "awkward silence" and do not try to fill this time gap with any of your thoughts or statements.
• Empathic listening is the understanding and acceptance of the emotional state of the interlocutor. But in no case do not try to explain the nature and causes of his experiences.

How to teach your child constructive communication

Communication with a child is primarily an educational process. Of course, in a kindergarten or school, a child will be taught to speak correctly and competently, clearly express their thoughts. However, this is not enough.The ability to listen and respect the interlocutor should be instilled precisely by the parents. This process includes several essential components:

• Pay attention to your own speech. It is common for a child to repeat after others. That is why he always has to have an example of constructive communication before his eyes.
• Build your communication with your child as you would with an adult interlocutor. Of course, you should not operate with difficult categories, but it is also forbidden to lisp. In the course of communication with parents, the child must learn to build arguments, defend his point of view, and then successfully apply these skills in society.
• Let your child take the initiative. Even if he says stupid things, let him speak up, and then politely and thoroughly explain what he is wrong. Do not take away from him the opportunity to argue and defend his point of view.

Rules for constructive communication with children

As yesterday's babies begin to grow up, they begin to rebel, and therefore it becomes increasingly difficult to find a common language with them. Constructive communication between children and adults should be based on the following basic rules:

• Clearly set the boundaries of what is allowed. This must be constantly reminded. Although this can be seen as coercion and authoritarianism, children should not be able to discuss these rules. Otherwise, they will begin to manipulate adults, establishing their own orders.
• Look for the reason for the inappropriate behavior not in the character of the child, but in your relationship. As a rule, disobedience, rebellion, and other negative manifestations arise when understanding with adults has cracked. Restore confidence and only after that solve the main problem.
• The boundaries you set must not conflict with the interests and age needs of the child. As you grow older, you need to change the rules, otherwise the reaction will be very sharp.
• Praise your child for the smallest achievements and successes. This will inspire confidence in himself and give an incentive to new achievements.
• The rules for communicating with the child must be strictly agreed between all the people who take part in the educational process. Otherwise, it will be difficult for children to learn them and get used to them.
• Punishment must flow directly from misconduct. It must also be proportionate to misconduct. Otherwise, the child will form revengeful intentions towards the parents.

Conclusion

A modern person just needs to know and put into practice the basics of constructive communication. This will greatly facilitate relationships with friends, relatives, colleagues, superiors and just strangers. If you constantly find yourself in conflict situations, it is worth considering whether you have the skills of constructive communication. Perhaps by rethinking the meaning of communication in your life, you will otherwise build a dialogue with the outside world.