Male tyrant: what to do, how to deal with it?

Those times when a man dominated in all spheres of public life are long gone. Today, women hold public office, manage the production process, successfully realize themselves in business. And only within the framework of family relations are some primitive or home-building orders still preserved. Even from the most successful and independent woman, one can sometimes hear that her husband is a tyrant. What to do in this case? Psychologists will help find a way out of the situation.

Why does a man become a tyrant?

Women are at a loss about what to do if the husband is a tyrant and despot. First you need to understand the nature of this phenomenon. What is the basis of male tyranny?

• High position in society. Typically, such people are dismissive of others, transferring this habit to the family.
• The financial component. If a man provides for his family, sooner or later he may begin to reproach his spouse with money.
• Low self-esteem. Not finding ways of self-realization in life, a man begins to suppress the one who is weaker. Usually this is a spouse.
• A negative example. It is possible that patriarchy reigned in your husband's family, and your father was a real tyrant. Such people often transfer this model of behavior to their relationships with women.

Will he be a tyrant in family life?

Girls do not even allow the idea that their gentle boyfriend is the future tyrant husband. What to do? Tips to help you recognize the problem in advance:

• How does he respond about others? If he violently criticizes his friends and acquaintances, former lovers, for sure, he will begin to assert himself at the expense of you. After all, why is the husband a tyrant? Because he feels inferior and infringed.
• Does he require a report from you? If a guy controls your every step, controls your movements and communication on the network, perhaps this is an alarm.
• Does he want to give up talking with other guys? If he forces you to remove all male friends from social networks and seek to accompany you to any events where men will be present - this is the future pathological jealous.
• Does he make decisions for you? A guy who independently plans your leisure, imposes his hobbies on you, puts you before the fact that you need to be present at some event, he will also not reckon with you in marriage.

Three Types of Home Tyranny

If the husband is a home tyrant, what to do should be determined based on the characteristics of his behavior. Three types can be distinguished:

1. Total control. A man wants to know literally in seconds the schedule of movement of his wife and all other household members. Lingering from work for half an hour, you have to report for a long time and make excuses. Moreover, all attempts to defend their right to freedom of movement end with high-profile scandals, threats and other unpleasant moments.
2. Moral humiliation. A man constantly inspires his wife that she does everything wrong, that she is worse than other women. The spouse insists that he does the chosen one a favor, living with her. It is not easy for ladies if the husband is a moral tyrant. What to do? Sometimes, you can only be saved by divorce.
3. Physical violence. Hacking is an extreme form of domestic tyranny. Sometimes aggression is based not only on an unstable mental state, but is also supported by regular and abundant alcohol consumption.

Male tyrant: signs

In every family there are quarrels, troubles, misunderstandings. If these situations are episodic in nature, it is quite natural.No one is safe from venting anger or stress on loved ones. But if scandals occur constantly, there is reason to say that the husband is a tyrant. Symptoms may be as follows:

• Constant baseless criticism. At first, you may not pay much attention to the fact that your spouse taunts your hobbies, tries to control your wardrobe, and scolds your culinary and economic abilities. But gradually the man inspires the woman with a sense of bankruptcy and destroys self-esteem.
• Limitation of communication. A man constantly controls the woman’s social circle. This applies not only to friends, but also to working relationships. At first, the husband can make "beloved" compliments, convincing her that she is one level higher than those around her. But over time, the lady becomes dependent on her gentleman, since there is no one else in her environment.
• It is impossible to please him. The husband does not like everything - from the situation in your apartment to the intimate component of your life together. No matter how you try to bring something good to your family life, it turns everything against you.
• Requirements and orders. The word "please" no longer sounds from his lips. The husband speaks with his wife exclusively in an imperative tone, not accepting refusals and arguments. Fearing the aggressive reaction of a man, a woman loses her voice and submits in everything.
• Limitation of material expenses. Even if a woman earns money herself, her husband begins to closely monitor her expenses and make scandals over every little thing bought. If a woman does not work (at will or at the request of her husband), he begins to reproach her with every penny.
• Physical and psychological abuse. As a rule, the home tyrant proceeds to this stage when he has already convinced his spouse of her helplessness and bankruptcy. As a rule, the victim does not resist and believes that she herself deserved such an attitude.
• Suggestion of guilt. The tyrant makes his spouse feel the cause of his failures, bad mood, dissatisfaction with life, family and financial problems.
• Vicious jokes, ridicule. A man is dismissive of his wife, trying to humiliate her appearance, considering her hobbies absurd, criticizing manners.
• Pathological jealousy. Aware of his failure, the tyrant interferes with any contacts of his wife with other men. This applies to friends and work, and just casual acquaintances.
• Prevents self-development and career building. Motivating the need to maintain a family hearth, a man forces his chosen one to quit work or study, and after a while begins to blame him.

Who is most often faced with tyranny?

It is painful and unpleasant to realize that the husband is a tyrant. What to do? You need to think about this at the dating stage. Let you not be driven by romance, but by cold reason, because men with despotic inclinations make their choice by chance. Most of all, they prefer to get acquainted and start a family with such girls:

• Unsure of oneself. Often these are girls with some complexes regarding appearance, health or interpersonal relationships. Usually they are not lucky in their personal lives, and therefore they are very happy to meet a person who loves them. Surrounding the girl with care and attention in the early stages of a relationship, a tyrant man later tells her that she owes him everything and no man will look at her anymore.
• Orphans, girls from dysfunctional families or living away from their relatives. They feel lonely, and there is no one to protect them. Thus, a home tyrant can feel completely unpunished, humiliating his spouse.
• Girls who are in a difficult life situation. There is nothing easier than putting a man’s shoulder on a woman who is in trouble. Naturally, she feels gratitude to her caring hero and may even fall in love with him.But when people enter family life, a man changes dramatically. While humiliating his wife, he does not forget to reproach her for being near at a difficult moment.
• Young girls with no life experience. A young lady, inspired by dreams and hopes, may not notice a catch, because courtship of an adult man is always pleasant. But later, age becomes an argument for humiliating the dignity of the spouse and manipulating it.

How to escape from a tyrant

Many women are faced with the fact that their kind, affectionate and loving husband is a tyrant. What to do in this case? Unfortunately, to fix such a person is almost impossible (unless you are at the initial stage of the relationship). It remains only to find a way to get rid of the tyrant husband. Of course, we are not talking about its physical elimination. You yourself must make a strong-willed decision to break up by taking the following measures:

• Find a livelihood. If you work, it will be easier for you to leave. If you do not have your own source of income, it will be more difficult. Try to find a job without advertising it to your husband. If you no longer have the strength to endure, for the first time you can ask for financial support from parents or relatives.
• Expand your social circle. If the home tyrant has limited your contacts, you will have to restore them. Try to establish relationships with old friends, make new acquaintances, communicate more with relatives. Devote those you trust to your problem in order to gain moral support.
• Cast aside doubt. If you are afraid to leave your husband and change something dramatically in your life, consult with those who have already gone through this. Other women can help you, who will not only tell you how to get rid of a tyrant husband, but also advise how to protect yourself and children from his attacks, how to start a new and happy life.
• Make sure you have a place to live. Even if you live in your own apartment, it is unlikely that a tyrant will agree to leave it voluntarily. It’s good if you can live with friends or relatives with whom you will feel safe. If this is not possible, rent an apartment in another area. If financial opportunities allow you, stop for a while at the hotel (among people you will feel secure). Moving must be arranged at the moment when your person is not at home.
• File for divorce. Do not think that after your departure the tyrant husband will change. Even if he asks for forgiveness and returns you, everything will happen again. When applying for a divorce, enlist the support of a lawyer who will tell you how to behave, how to get child support, and how to make a division of property.

How to live with a tyrant husband?

Of course, the ideal option is to leave the tyrant husband. But the situation does not always allow this to be done. The difficult financial situation, the lack of support from friends and relatives and other negative factors force the woman to postpone the breakup. But this does not mean at all that all this time you have to endure bullying and humiliation. How to live with a tyrant husband? You need to remember these basic rules:

• Do not leave humiliation unanswered. Even if you have a timid character, find the strength in yourself to firmly and confidently uphold your position. As a rule, a tyrant can demonstrate "heroism" only in front of a weak personality. If you fight him back, he will back down.
• Do not follow his contact restriction requirements. You should always be in touch with family and friends. Try to see them more often. In this way, in the eyes of the spouse, you will no longer be lonely and defenseless.
• Feel free to ask for help. Your notebook must have the numbers of organizations, hotlines, support services that help women who have experienced domestic violence.
• Take care of yourself. Put in order your appearance and your thoughts. Look for ways to develop yourself.It will make you morally stronger. And domestic tyrants often give in to strong and beautiful women.

What can not be done?

Not every woman agrees to acknowledge the fact that her husband is a tyrant. What to do? This is not an easy question. When building your model of behavior, you need to know what exactly you can’t do:

• Make fun of vices of a spouse in society. You can share your problem only with those closest to you. But "to take dirty linen out of the hut" is not recommended, and especially in the presence of his entourage. This can spur the tyrant to even more active action against you.
• The provocation of jealousy. Do not try to involve your former and new admirers in teaching the home tyrant a lesson. Most likely, this will end in proceedings with a fight between men, as well as physical violence against you.
• Shifting responsibility to his parents. Do not think that he will be ashamed in front of his family. In rare cases, the father-in-law or mother-in-law takes the side of the daughter-in-law. But, as a rule, a home tyrant finds allies in their person who will willingly join in the persecution of you.
• Threaten with divorce and put forward ultimatums. It is possible that for a short time this will work, but, as a rule, a man does not abandon his habits. Moreover, devoting your husband to your plans for leaving the family, you will give him time to prepare and fine-tune some troubles.
• Simulation of feeling sick and powerless. Thinking that you will scare a man and make him behave differently, you are mistaken. As a rule, this condition of the spouse disgusts the tyrant’s husband, and therefore your soreness will be an additional reason for reproach.

Is it possible to build a relationship?

Many women suffer from the fact that the husband is an alcoholic and a tyrant. What to do? The vast majority will advise you to get divorced. But some women are so afraid of being alone or value their relationship with their spouse so much that they refuse to admit that the husband is a tyrant. Signs, tips are ignored. If a woman is categorically determined to improve relations, she can be advised of the following:

• Start with yourself. Stop feeling like a victim and put up with your position. Change your image, refresh your wardrobe, master a couple of new recipes, try to make your home more comfortable. Perhaps this will make your spouse fall in love with you again and change your behavior.
• Wean your husband to drink on the side. Let your kitchen always have a bottle of high-quality alcohol, which can be used to mark some significant events for your family. Perhaps this will make the man refuse to drink with friends.
• Do not let him get bored. Catch every moment of his "enlightenment" and use this time to good use. Drag him to the cinema, to the theater, to the restaurant, for a walk or just arrange a romantic evening by candlelight with all the ensuing consequences.
• Learn to listen to him. If you see that a man is gnawing at some problem, do not let her warm him up from the inside and cause bouts of aggression. Try to talk, listen and give good advice.

Can a problem be prevented?

You can well keep a full and healthy family if at an early stage you notice signs that your husband is a tyrant. What to do? The psychologist's advice is as follows:

• Make a living on your own. Financially independent women are less likely to become victims of domestic tyranny, because the issue of money cannot be an occasion for reproaches.
• Do not allow manipulation. Remember that you are not required to limit communication with friends and relatives, even if your chosen one does not like them. In this case, you absolutely should not have a feeling of guilt because of this.
• Show your spouse that cruelty will not go unpunished. Your faithful should know that the slightest manifestation of violence on his part will result in an appeal to law enforcement agencies.In addition, always emphasize that there are people who can protect you.
• Do not hold on to fond memories. You can’t tolerate bullying today, remembering how gentle and caring a man was when meeting. Learn to live for today.
• Show that you are not holding on to marriage and are not afraid to lose your husband. This is how at work. If you do not hold on to a place and are ready to leave at any time, the authorities will appreciate you. Also, the husband will protect a strong and independent woman who can easily be lost.

A few more tips in the end

The husband is an egoist and a tyrant. What to do? This question is being asked by millions of women around the world. You can give some more valuable tips on living together and behaving with such men:

• Do not give up and do not bow your head. First of all, you are a person who has the right to freedom of behavior, movement, communication. Therefore, do not obey the prohibitions of a tyrant husband.
• Think of the kids. Do not let family scandals happen before their eyes. This will violate their psyche, as well as set a model of behavior for the future.
• Do not let neglect your work. If a man doesn’t like the way you cook, clean or wash, just stop doing it. Perhaps, being in such conditions, the spouse will begin to appreciate your contribution to family life.
• Consult a psychologist. Despite the fact that in the West this practice is widespread, in the post-Soviet space this is considered excessive and even shameful. But who better than a specialist will be able to understand the motives of the behavior of a home tyrant?

It is bitter to realize that your husband is a psychological tyrant. What to do in this case? Of course, an attempt to save the family and love must take place. But do not forget that you deserve a calm and happy life. To leave is not necessary to lose. Perhaps breaking this alliance, you will discover a new world with a ton of opportunities and new bright feelings.