Altruism may not always be useful. It’s not about never helping people. The bottom line is the relevance and quality of your help. Sometimes it is to the detriment of your interests, and sometimes it becomes even destructive for one and the other side. Here are situations where you should not lend a helping hand.
Free professional services
You might think that it costs you nothing to help other people with professional advice. Then you should also understand that it really will not cost you any money (although it could bring substantial profit). Not only that, your talent and skills will practically depreciate. This will provide an opportunity for other people to use your copyrights, your authority will be lost, and everyone will understand that this “good deed” is now your direct responsibility.
Competent execution
Never offer your help if you cannot provide it with high quality. For example, you decide to go on vacation, and your plants are left without care. A neighbor invites you to court, and you agree with pleasure. Upon arrival, you discover that your exotic beloved plants hopelessly wilted. This is the help that went to the detriment. And if a neighbor honestly admitted that she does not know how to care for flowers, you would explain to her how to do it correctly, or would you turn to another, more competent person.
Borrow money
You must have come across a situation (or heard about it) when some people constantly come and ask you for money on credit. Every month you hear that unforeseen expenses do not allow them to survive until the next salary. If you belong to the category of people who succumb to this provocation, stop it immediately. Firstly, you harm your friends, because you are depriving them of the opportunity to find a way out of this situation. They have no purpose to earn more, because they are always confident in your help. And secondly, you do not need to give money to people who do not value them at all.
False charity
Now there are many scammers who collect money for charity. These people have nothing to do with the help of those who really need it. They come up with incredible sentimental stories and try to pity you. Therefore, never succumb to this provocation. You not only do not provide assistance, but also encourage the emergence of new fraudulent schemes.
Desire to help
For some people, the desire to help is a major driver in life. Only in this way do they feel meaningful and useful. Therefore, they are imposed on their proposals and practically beg for the opportunity to do something for others. Never offer your help when you are not asked. Your initiative will be perceived as an obsession. In addition, instead of a donor, you run the risk of being branded as a consumer. They themselves will understand that it is for you that you need psychological help, because you are excessively empathetic or dependent on the recognition of others.
Hidden motives
Help is not always disinterested. There is a category of people who can find a profit for themselves from any situation. Therefore, pay attention not to seek help from a person who can use it against you. And never provide services for your own ambitions. The realization that someone is now dependent on you and you are happy about it is not only a vice, but also a hidden form of the syndrome described by the famous psychiatrist Stephen Karpman.
Experience required
When helping another person, always think about whether you are depriving him of his own experience. Perhaps today he will have to draw vital conclusions for himself, outline the desired goal or solve the problem. And with your relief of the task, you take on his work. Now you know how to deal with it, but he still does not know what to do with it. It is not always possible to learn from someone else's experience, this must be understood by all who seek to become an assistant for all.
Children's task
Providing assistance primarily concerns our children. Parents who prefer to remove their babies from complex tasks and try to perform all the important functions for them all their lives make a huge mistake. They deprive their children of personal experience and the opportunity to develop normally in society. Dads and mothers do not think about the fact that one day they will be gone, and a helpless child will not be able to cope with their basic needs. In the case when the parents do not render any help at all and allow the baby to decide everything on their own, such a person in adult life may become too callous and unable to love anyone. Therefore, always adhere to the rule of the golden mean.
Distorted perception of the world
This also mainly applies to children, but there are times when marriage or business partners get help. If you constantly help someone solve all issues, a person has a distorted idea of the real world. The child does not understand what is difficult and what can easily be done independently. The lover becomes dependent on his soulmate and ceases to live his own life. A business partner who does all the work (for example, a second colleague or co-founder contributed money to the business) is not able to objectively assess the market situation. All of these examples suggest that some help can be detrimental. People do not know real life and for some time are in the clouds of illusion. And when they return to earth, it is often too late.
Targeted assistance
We very often render assistance only due to the fact that close and dear people ask for it. Sometimes this help is relative (absolutely unnecessary), but we are not able to refuse a loved one. Try to prioritize and understand how necessary it is. Do not use the principle of kinship and allow yourself to be manipulated. In this case, it will be much more useful to help an outsider who really needs it. Do charity work and try to act appropriately. Then your help will really be saving, and this will certainly count towards you.