By comparison, a person gets used to it from early childhood. Already in kindergarten, teachers select the best kids and put them as an example to everyone else. Then the baton of comparison picks up the school. At home, parents continue to instill in the child the idea that he must be no worse than other children.
When a person enters adulthood, he already becomes a specialist in this matter. Without even noticing that, he constantly compares himself with colleagues, comrades, neighbors. Psychologists say that comparing yourself to others discolours life, makes it inferior. In addition, this lesson attaches to dependence on others.
However, there are moments in life when comparison is useful. Consider a few specific examples.
Who is better?
We are all individual. Therefore, our abilities cannot be the same. For example, one of us is good at selling something. The other is an unrivaled apple cultivator. The third is an ace in something else. Imagine that the gardener has grown wonderful bulk apples, but can not sell them. And his neighbor easily sells all nonsense that can be dispensed with.
Comparing himself with him, the gardener lowers his self-esteem and involuntarily begins to envy the neighbor’s commercial talent. In some cases, it can even reach a quarrel or hatred.
In this example, comparison is pointless because people are involved in completely different activities. Each of them is a good specialist in their field. The gardener enjoys working with plants. Merchant - from the ability to sell goods.
Comparison not only generates envy, but also reduces the potential of the gardener, develops stereotypical thinking in him. He begins to think that his neighbor knows how to live, and that he himself has enough intelligence only to poke around in the ground.
In the described situation, the gardener does not need to compare himself with the merchant, but remember what results he achieved in growing apples. In this business, he is the best specialist. It is in this direction that he needs to work, study advanced technologies, learn about new varieties.
However, sometimes a comparison is beneficial.
Why did you choose him?
Consider another example. Imagine that in the company you and your colleague are applying for the same position. You both have the same education, both in good standing with your superiors, both are excellent workers.
It so happened that a colleague was appointed to the desired position, not you. Of course, this is very disappointing. You can even be overwhelmed by hatred of this person. For what merits did he receive a position? How is he better? Why did you pass by?
To answer these questions, just need a comparison. Calculate how long you and your competitor have been with the company. Think about how often you and your opponent were asked to leave work for good reasons, went on sick leave, took time off. Remember, maybe your colleague made some rational suggestions, but you didn’t do anything like that.
Comparing yourself and him on points, you will understand the reason for your failure. When you find this out, you will have an incentive for further self-improvement.
We examined two cases related to work. In the first, people do very different jobs. Comparing their success is completely pointless. In the second case, employees have approximately the same job responsibilities and apply for the same position. To find out why one of them is valued more, you need to compare many different factors related to work in the company. This will definitely benefit.
Why did he succeed?
Consider another situation.Imagine two classmates who studied at approximately the same school, graduated from the same institute, got a identical job. For example, both became managers. After a while, one of them suddenly learns that his friend has become a successful businessman.
Immediately, not very pleasant thoughts may appear that the second classmate was misleading somewhere, breaking something, paying someone. This reaction from his friend is based on the fact that both had the same start. A less fortunate classmate can get depressed. He will begin to think that he is not capable of anything. This is a dead end scenario.
Instead of scourging yourself, you need to try to compare what you and your classmate did immediately after graduation. Perhaps you conscientiously went to work, worked there from bell to bell, and then returned home just to relax. Your comrade did otherwise. He made profitable acquaintances, after work, learned the secrets of another type of activity, attended some courses, improved his skills.
You should not worry about your mediocrity, but outline for yourself the implementation of new projects (of course, if you want to succeed in life). Comparison in this case is also useful, as it opens up new perspectives.
You are no worse than others
Now there are many wealthy people. They have an expensive car, they live in a beautiful mansion with a swimming pool, have lunch and dinner in restaurants, and go to exotic countries to relax.
If you can only afford to ride a taxi, huddle in a small apartment, and weep all your vacation in the garden of the garden, inevitably begin to envy your rich neighbors and acquaintances.
Comparing yours and their lives, you feel irritation, hopelessness, disappointment. Often in such situations, anger appears. You yourself are stealing the joy and happiness of being.
In this case, the comparison will also help. But you need to compare yourself not with the rich and successful, but with the poor. Take a look around. You can easily find people who are worse off than you. There are so many terminally ill people in the world, citizens who do not have a corner, who have suffered from any disasters or illegal actions of third parties. Compared to them, you are a real king or queen. You have housing, work, a summer house where you can grow so many fruits and vegetables. Most importantly, you are healthy.
Isn't your life beautiful?
In this example, comparison is very useful. Putting yourself in the place of another person, you can evaluate your capabilities in a different way and begin to enjoy every new day.
Life-long marathon
Comparing yourself to others is hard to stop. This is human nature, which is useless to argue with. However, one does not need to become dependent on comparison, constantly wind himself up and thereby poison his life.
Let's imagine marathon runners. Dozens of athletes are running, but only one wins. Do you think they envy him? Probably yes. In this case, comparing the results can increase motivation. Losers, but striving for victory, will review their workouts and make more efforts.
But look at the marathon from the other side. The very participation in it is already a big event in the life of every athlete. If a person overcame the distance and reached the finish line - this is his personal victory. There is no reason for despondency, since he achieved it.
Conclusion
The marathon runner example can be used in many situations. Comparing yourself with others, try to find your own miscalculations, outline ways to eliminate them. If someone could succeed, then you can too. This is a great motivation and way of self-realization.