How often do families and family values become hostages of problems caused by secrecy, unwillingness to resolve conflicts peacefully, emotional restraint. But at stake, as a rule, are the fate of children and the fate of loving people. Here's how, for example, in the story of one couple, which our reader told about.
Misunderstandings are worse than betrayal
The heroine of history is 36 years old. She has been married for eight years, a small daughter is growing from marriage. Her husband engaged in self-employment, and at first everything was fine. Both parents had a good job, as it seemed to our heroine. But a year later, it turned out that the woman’s husband was spending official money on covering household bills and caring for a child. He started finances and instead of changing jobs, he accumulated debts.
Now the woman herself pays the bills for the apartment. She had to issue a testament to her daughter and a power of attorney in her name in case of sudden death. Trying to cover all household expenses, she also got into debt and is now looking for a higher-paying job. Parents offered to close credit cards subject to divorce and give a fresh start to her and granddaughter.
The husband’s family is more than indifferent to the unrest of the woman, hinting that he went to his father.
So what to do in such a dramatic situation? Does it make sense to fight for family and family values, or you just need to get a divorce?
Psychologist's advice
Although the situation is described as “at a crossroads,” it sounds as if a decision has already been made. Does this marriage have a future? You can cling to fragile hope because of your daughter. In any case, you will have to weigh the pros and cons in the struggle for your happiness.
The man showed the usual dishonesty. The bad thing is that he hid the truth about the real situation in business, thus depriving the spouse of the opportunity to give advice and help.
When trust ceases to be the central pillar of marriage, the roof of the house really risks falling. One must ask the question - why was the husband not open with his wife? Maybe he didn’t want to “fall” in her eyes or thought that he would cope with the problems himself, not wanting to disturb the woman he loves?
This is not an excuse, but it may be an explanation of his secrecy. Now one of the results of this unreasonable secrecy is that he is firmly put in place by paying utility bills for him in his own home.
In order to understand everything in detail, the psychologist advises to undergo joint counseling in the service of family and marriage.
After all, there is a beautiful daughter from marriage who can be seriously injured during divorce and blame her mother for the fact that a loving father has disappeared from the girl’s life.
Second chance
To create a family is enough to love. And for preservation, one must learn to endure and forgive. Mother Teresa
Is it not worth trying to save a marriage before going to a lawyer?
In any case, even if you decide that the marriage is doomed, unbiased counseling is a way to help part with mutual respect.
And quarrels and demands in this case will not help. There is another way: to forget the insult and just help her husband get out of a difficult financial situation. Together we can achieve a lot
At 36, there is still no fear of loneliness, which so often holds an elderly person hostage to an unhappy marriage. Therefore, divorce at this age is not terrible. But do not forget that people can change, and very often deserve a second chance.