Daffodils are hated more than anything else when they have to focus their attention not on their beloved, but on other people. Sometimes such narcissistic personalities emphasize and gloat over the achievements of those persons whom they know, because they like to bathe in the rays of glory at their expense.
Daffodil colleagues may well wait a moment, even if you have to wait a long time. They usually prefer to dominate the conversation about their thoughts and intrusively express their opinions.
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Conversational narcissism is a term coined by sociologist Charles Derber, author of The Pursuit of Attention: Strength and Ego in Everyday Life. It describes the tactics used by the daffodils. Their victims are noticed only when they feel they are going crazy. Friends who are not endowed with narcissistic qualities can also be to blame for such "rabies" - simply without evil intentions.
Cherlin Chong, a professional trainer who helps business women recover from toxic impulses, noted that conversational narcissism is a tendency to shift all conversations back to oneself.
“A person draws most of the conversations and talks about them for hours,” she said. "For many people, this shift is happening imperceptibly and unconsciously, and most of them do not know that this is happening to them."
Tricky tricks
If, at the time of a conversation with someone, a person uses the "support response", the focus will be on her. In the case of colloquial narcissism, this means that people use the "translated answer" when they try to assert that their person is in the spotlight.
For example, if someone says that he has a headache, the response of the support service will be “I feel what you are feeling right now. Is this a headache? I can give you a painkiller. ” While the narcissistic answer would look like this: "I, too, last night hardly slept because of the children."
According to Chong, daffodils can take the response to the next level. First, they “interrupt the conversation with disinterested support responses” to create the illusion of an attentive listener. Secondly, egocentric persons transfer 90% of conversations to themselves and their needs.
“Since these conversations never really concern you, a narcissist strengthens the belief that you should give, give, give, in order to get their attention,” said Chong. "Your role is to support, calm, or even stroke their ego."
They will most likely even throw guilt at you if you try to talk about your problems or express yourself in any way. It makes you “malleable and obedient,” said the trainer. This method of "toxicosis" "is ideal for their manipulation."
This is a very subtle trick that daffodils use to subjugate their victims, so their colleague is unlikely to immediately notice such a "mess". But if the other person feels cut off, denied, or disappointed in a conversation with such a person, this conversation can cause this.
Feelings of the interlocutor
“After a while, you will feel that you have no voice, and you can even doubt to express yourself in other conversations,” said Chong. "When you leave the conversation, you may feel something unresolved or feel nauseous in the stomach."
“You should not be surprised if you discover a little anger in yourself,” she added. "In the end, you have just been declared invalid."
Methods of struggle
Victims of daffodils can use the “gray rock” method when no contact is possible.
Chong said: “The first step in restoring your power, destroyed by an egocentric person, is to realize that you have a reason to feel the same as he is - you are not irrational. Secondly, you can try to get attention when you feel it is being taken from you. "
The interlocutor of the narcissus is more likely to understand that he is starting a conversation and retreating a little. However, the narcissistic type does not want to let go of the spotlight.
“It will annoy the daffodils, but lessen their control,” Chong explained. “Be balanced and calm. Give up any support for them. If there is no energy exchange, the daffodil cannot win. ”
It follows from the above that narcissists are bad listeners. If you do not allow them to steal the entire center of attention, then they will feel maximum discomfort. If such "egocentrics" are unbearably difficult, you can refer to the necessary break and just leave.
“This can lead to narcissists feeling confused and they will leave you alone,” the psychologist said.