Unfortunately, there are many financial problems. People often draw the wrong conclusions about this. Some believe that they can save when they earn more. Others think that investments are only for wealthy people. Still others claim that their spouses handle money better than they do. But the most terrifying financial problem was the story of one girl, whom we conventionally call Tanya.
Once, this same Tanya, a working mother of two children, began to complain to her friends that she and her husband live from paycheck to paycheck. Moreover, in the course of her story, the fact surfaced that she has no idea how much her husband earns. Ahead of your bewilderment, Tanya repeatedly wanted to ask her husband about his income, but was afraid of his reaction.
He was never inclined to talk about money. The man personally paid most of the bills and did not seem to like questioning on this subject. Such conversations were unnatural for him, as if a man was poked with his nose into his own mistake. But is that right?
Are the positions of the spouses true?
In my opinion, how much your partner earns is extremely necessary information. Indeed, without knowing the numbers, it is impossible to make smart joint decisions for your family.
Unfortunately, this situation is not entirely unusual. According to some studies, 40% of married people (both men and women) had no idea how much their spouses brought home.
What difficulties may arise in talking about money with people closest to you?
Perhaps this is a habit that has taken root in us from the time when we were children: many parents taught us that it is impolite to ask other people about incomes. As a result, the problem arises of linking self-esteem to how much we earn. We may be afraid that we get a lower amount than our spouse. That is why there is an ambiguous decision whether to raise this topic at all. Nobody wants to feel like a failure, regarding their own finances.
However, this is fundamentally the wrong view of the situation. Your relationship cannot flourish unless you are open to each other. In a relationship, everything must be extremely transparent; to achieve harmony, there must be trust. It is the refusal to talk about numbers that is of great importance: if you are blind to your partner’s salary, you can never be on one financial page.
Why is transparency in financial matters so important?
Equality in decision making
You share or plan to share expenses, such as a mortgage, rent, vacation, car and more. To do this, you must also share information about your income in order to be fully informed about the opportunities before making a major purchase.
Ability to move away from work to achieve long-term goals
In life there are changes that may entail a forced or unforeseen departure from work. For example, maternity leave, after which you might want to devote your whole life to children. Or do you dream of realizing yourself in a different role. Without a clue about your partner’s earnings, you won’t be able to make these decisions with confidence. After all, you do not know for sure whether you can count on the support of your soulmate.
Financial Security Guarantee
When you know how much each of you earns, you understand whether you live within your means. You can better manage your debts, loans, save money on emergencies.
The sooner you share information about your income with your partner, the better.This applies not only to salaries, but to debts, savings and loans. Of course, this is not a topic for discussion at the first date. But if you are looking forward to a serious, lasting relationship, you must be honest. This conversation is necessary before you start living together or getting married.
How to talk about money
When you are ready for this conversation, reschedule it the next day at lunch or arrange a “cash meeting”. Start your conversation by discussing your common goals. You can even plan together to decide how much you need to save. To find out the salary and other financial fundamentals of your partner, open your cards. Tell us about how much you plan to earn this month. Mark the boundaries of how much you are willing to spend on rent, car purchase, vacation travel. Then, delicately ask about what kind of finances your partner has. Find out how soon the two of you will be able to afford all this by investing such and such an amount in the general budget.
Note that there is no need to make this conversation overly official, as if you were at an interview in a large company. Allow yourself to relax, get each other's position and come to a common agreement in an informal setting.
If the partner resists the conversation, take this as a cautious sign that he is not comfortable with this topic. But do not rush to give up. Continue to raise the financial issue, articulating around common goals. The partner should be clearly aware that this transparency is an essential need for a relationship.
