Managing the family budget often leads to crisis situations, when people are faced with the need to take loans and borrow. Well, if this can be avoided, but in the field of finance there are a lot of indirect factors and nuances that do not allow you to insure yourself from the debt hole. I was in that position. I had a plan to get out of this situation, but a question arose of a different order: did I notify my wife about the loans taken? A very reasonable answer was given to me by a friend, according to whom, such secrets carry serious risks for the marriage itself.
Good intentions
To keep secret the unpleasant facts about our financial situation for the first time was something natural for me. I knew very well that sooner or later the problems would be resolved and it was only necessary to wait a while. Was there a need to upset my wife, explaining all the ins and outs of the situation and the need for loans? No, I did not see any sense in this, but only negative consequences. It was for the sake of preserving the marriage that I began to hide financial problems from my wife, guided by the fact that it would be calmer for both of us. With this understanding, I lived for a while until I talked with a friend.
Trust issue
In a completely different way, I looked at the situation when a factor of confidence began to appear in it. It was he who became the key argument in favor of revealing my secrets to his wife. A friend explained that the family budget is a common material value, therefore a husband and wife have an equal right to know about his current condition. Obviously, my spouse, as a direct participant in our financial activities, should be informed of all the monetary transactions that I conducted. Otherwise, there is a serious risk of undermining the trust that has developed over the years. What would happen if the secret were not disclosed on my initiative? Nothing good. Even if we discard the essence of financial difficulties with the resulting debts, in principle, attempts to hide them from the closest person look suspicious and certainly do not contribute to strengthening the union.
Financial infidelity
My friend is of the opinion that a lie in financial matters can be compared to physical betrayal of a partner. This is a psychological factor, which, although it lies in a different plane, but in principle, has the same emotional significance as ordinary infidelity. To some extent, concealment of debts from a wife can be regarded as a betrayal.
Are there any chances to hide debts?
Of course, some of the operations with money can with some probability be kept secret. This applies to small purchases and acquisitions, as well as small short-term loans. But even in relation to such situations it is impossible to be sure that the secret will not be revealed. A friend told many stories about how such secrets became apparent simply out of the blue. The spouse could find out about this by accidentally checking the notification on my phone from the bank when I was not around. In the age of high technology and developed communications, every step, especially in relation to financial transactions, leaves its mark. What can we say about large debts on loans that affect the budget, making adjustments to the habits of consumption of goods and services.
But the main argument of my friend, of course, does not apply to the practical unjustification of financial secrets within the family. He believes that this is a matter of principle and basic respect for the person who lives with you and shares all your difficulties. To share problems with a partner means to show an act of trust.Many are afraid of such conversations with loved ones, especially when it is possible to avoid them. But in the long run, adherents of such tactics will always lose, questioning marriage and relationships in general.