A healthy relationship requires honesty and intimacy between partners. It is also extremely important to have complete trust in each other regarding finances. Indeed, during each conversation about money, the couple activates the factors that underlie any relationship: power, closeness and trust. My friend shared with me the advice of an expert in family finance who helped her. I share them with you.
“I believe that money is one of the best communication tools that exist in the world,” says Jacquette Timmons, financial trainer and author of Financial Intimacy: How to Create Healthy Relationships with Your Money and Your Friend. Timmons regularly helps couples overcome fear of a joint discussion of finances. Very often couples go far ahead in their relationship, but at the same time in the sphere of money they are full of shortcomings and secrets.
Case of life
One couple, who subsequently turned to Timmons for a consultation, was faced with the problem of different expectations. After the wedding, it turned out that the husband expected that the finances of the couple would remain separate, and the wife expected an even distribution of the budget.
Such situations are not uncommon, says Timmons, and often happen because both partners assume that they will simply solve the financial issue in the family as their parents did in their time. In the case of this couple, the wife's father was an entrepreneur, and his mother a housewife. Accordingly, all financial resources were divided equally. Another situation occurred in the parents of the husband. They were divorced and managed their finances separately.
Our expectations come from childhood
“I think that much of people's expectations in the area of financial distribution is related to what they saw in their family when they were children. And then, creating their own family, people tend to believe that their partners have the same point of view as they themselves, ”says Jackett. But this does not mean that Timmons recommends one approach to all.
“There are many options for maintaining a joint budget: couples can unite and share their finances, or they can keep completely separate, and sometimes common, accounts of their spending, based on what is best suited for current situations,” the expert said.
However, Timmons insists on transparency. If partners agree to share their financial income, they should offer full visibility to each other's accounts, including unhindered access to account statements. The price of the lack of such transparency is nothing but the health of a couple.
Importance of trust
“I think, of course, silence about financial issues undermines trust,” says Timmons. “Because in this case you leave the window open, and even more distrust can leak into it.” And that can ruin your relationship. ”
There are financial consequences of the fact that plans are drawn up independently, without the dedication of their partner. Indeed, ideally, couples should jointly save, as well as invest in common goals. Then in this process their camaraderie will develop.
“If you had more frank, open conversations about money, you would actually come up with the best options for resolving financial issues,” says Timmons. “By avoiding the discussion of maintaining a joint budget, you are missing out on the opportunity to truly collaborate and act like two people who are on the same team.”
That's why couples should take the opportunity to talk about finances, bring curiosity and optimism into these conversations, and see them as an opportunity to plan and achieve what they both want. “Then you make financial planning a more fun activity, rather than a terrible thing that is better not to discuss,” says Timmons. Such conversations should be held regularly both for tactical planning and for a larger-scale assessment of the goals and the corresponding contribution of each partner.
“You need to be able to negotiate,” says Timmons. - As circumstances change in your life and in your couple, you should be guided in different realities. So what might work for you last year may not work for you, and therefore you must be able to adapt. ”
Money Discussion Brings People Together
Discuss financial matters with your partner. This strengthens relationships, not destroys them. People who are in a happy relationship are not afraid to talk about money. Because without an open discussion of this issue, it is impossible to build a common future.