At Business Insider, one of the leading news portals in the world, its columnist Melody Wilding talked about how you can manage such a group of people as passive-aggressive in the office. She explained how to recognize them and what methods to use in communicating with them to neutralize their negative impact.
How is passive-aggressive behavior determined?
It is not easy to recognize it, as it is expressed in various ways and at the same time is very contradictory. The words of passive-aggressive people often do not correspond to their actions. For example, a colleague agreed to help you with your work, but he complains that he is very busy and overloaded with responsibilities. And you feel awkward, wondering why he agreed.
These people seem to avoid conflicts, but in the end it turns out that they create these conflicts. They express their negative feelings through indirect manifestations. It is about (about):
- sarcasm;
- putting off a solution to a problem;
- cynicism;
- arrogance;
- gossip;
- excuses;
- avoiding direct answers;
- disguised insults;
- ignoring the opinions of others;
- stubbornness;
- hints of underestimation.
Further on how you can protect yourself from the negative consequences of passive-aggressive influence and try to stop it.
Apply emotional mastery techniques
Problem colleagues can hurt your feelings, which causes a violent emotional reaction. This, of course, must be fought. Melody Wilding offers the following options for controlling his behavior:
- Using a breathing technique that facilitates the body's response to stressful effects. This occurs by acting on a specific area of the prefrontal cortex that is responsible for cold-blooded behavior. You need to breathe as follows: slow inhalation, delay, exhale, delay - all this on the count of four. Repeated several times.
- A ten-minute meditation, during which you need to realize what is happening and look at everything from the side. This will help to take the situation more calmly and focus on more global issues.
- Expressing your thoughts on passive-aggressive colleagues in a diary or in communication with people you can trust.
- Performing simple physical exercises that distract you from the violent expression of feelings.
Thus, in addition to a rational approach, which implies convincing oneself of the need for a calm reaction, it is worth helping yourself by using the indicated recommendations.
Empathize and redirect the behavior of troubled colleagues
According to psychologists, the tendency of people to gossip, complaints and games of sacrifice is often due to the fact that they compensate for their low self-esteem, lack of communication, lack of warm relations, resentment, and other negative aspects in their lives. Humiliating someone, they feel better, as if rising above others.
In this regard, a tactic is proposed that includes two points:
- Sympathy.
- Redirection.
In the first case, you need to understand what is behind the negative manifestations of a passive-aggressive colleague. If this person needs attention and love, try to treat him more gently, and his stress and negative mood will decrease.
After that, when a colleague tries to discuss the shortcomings of others with you, you do not need to abruptly interrupt him so as not to ruin the relationship. It should be redirected, that is, encouraged to focus on the search for a construct.
For example, if he complains about a boss who treats him badly, offer to talk to the boss directly and calmly express his complaints to him. At the same time, touch on the topic regarding the new project that he is working on.
Of course, the application of these techniques will not solve the problem completely, but at least it will slow down the process.
Analyze your behavior
Melody Wilding calls for being honest with yourself and thinking about whether your improper behavior can provoke passive-aggressive manifestations of colleagues. Remember how often you are upset, offended, annoyed at how your colleagues or bosses treat you.
How do you manifest these feelings externally? Are you trying to solve the problem immediately and openly, or maybe you fit into the pattern of passive-aggressive behavior? And if this “virus” also touched you, take care of its cure.
Be firm and set limits
In the process of working with passive-aggressive colleagues, you may encounter the fact that they delay the production process and at the same time find excuses for their inactivity. In this case, a tougher approach is required, which requires a clear statement of the requirements and the establishment of time limits.
Melody Wilding believes that writing requirements is a good idea. Its essence boils down to the fact that you:
- indicate the fact of failure to complete the task;
- Describe your attitude to this (disappointment, indignation);
- talk about the negative consequences for the company;
- formulate the task once again;
- set clear deadlines for its implementation.
In this case, your confidence and uncompromising will help to rectify the situation.