In non-standard families, everything is more complicated. If both spouses are CEOs of enterprises, or if the couple has business relations with each other, or if in the pair one partner achieves incredible success at first, the husband and wife should find a delicate balance in order to maintain peace at home and at the same time professionally support each other.
And, of course, there is always a risk that successful business spouses will face the fact that they will have to choose who or what is crucial in their life.
“The more you advance towards success, the more you are used to going your own way and getting closer to the people who support you. And that could turn into a marriage, ”said Dr. Peter Pearson, co-founder of the Institute for Couples in Silicon Valley.
When both run large firms
It has been a long time since Megan Cunningham and Daniel Chate had time to watch TV shows together. Today, planning their time together, parenting, and working as founders and leaders of their own companies often means 5-way conference calls between them, their assistants, and a nanny for children. They also try to coordinate their frequent business trips so that one of them is always with their 7-year-old son Jack.
Of course, spouses try to focus on their home and personal life during the weekend. However, this is not easy, as they both run ambitious enterprises. “This puts a strain on how much time you can devote to non-business conversations,” says Cunningham, managing director of Magnet Media Films branded content studio. Her husband leads the software development company Greenhouse.
When it comes to ranking their priorities between work and home, Jack's son's needs are always in the first place, Cunningham said. However, the relationship between the spouses and the affairs of their companies are constantly fighting for place No. 2. “This is a dynamic rating. When something serious happens in his company or in my life, then it becomes the second most important after his son. ”
When a husband is perceived as the smartest and most successful
Melinda Gates talked about the “crisis of herself” she faced as a mom sitting at home in the shadow of her husband, Microsoft founder Bill Gates. She had to warn him before dinner parties so that he would not discuss and correct her, because people had already assumed that he was the smartest guy in this room. She also decided to take a more public role in her work at the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, both of which are co-founders and co-chairs.
You need to learn how to combine power at work and family relationships
“The hardest lesson is to understand, no matter how successful you are at work, that the rules of relationships apply to you, like to everyone else,” said Dr. Michael McNulty, head coach of the Gottman method of relationship therapy. "These rules include the alignment of each other's energies and strengths."
Returning to the first example, we can say the following. For example, Chate enjoys dining at home because he loves to cook, and Cunningham is happy to wash the dishes. She relies on him when she is away, because she spends a lot of time on business trips.But at the same time, her husband constantly asks her for advice on which films to watch when they go to the film festival, because she has experience in the cinema.
How does this help family relationships?
Two alpha lovers have some advantages in a relationship. According to Pearson, these partners can use the creativity that they have developed in their careers, instead of being conflicted or selfish when faced with inevitable difficulties in marriage. If such a couple consciously decided what kind of relationship they want to build, it is much easier for them to focus on this wider picture when tension arises.
In addition, Chate and Cunningham said that the communication skills they acquired as leaders turned out to be a plus in their family life. “You must have the trust and energy of a large team, so you should design these things. This is all very well reflected at home, ”Chait said.
Nevertheless, Cunningham notes that they live like any other couple: “We are experiencing different moments. Our life is not a Instagram story. Sometimes difficulties arise that we overcome in different ways. "