There is a lot of untruth in our world. And even if you personally try to live honestly, you’ll probably lie mechanically or in small things at least once a day. Do not rush to be indignant. For example, they wake you up with an important call and ask if you can talk - of course, you agree. And such events occur throughout the day, when it is easier to lie finely than to explain the truth in detail. The psychology of lies is quite complicated, but we will try to understand all its aspects and understand why people lie and how to recognize fraud in time.
What is a lie?
If we turn to the explanatory dictionary for an explanation of the concept of lies, most likely we will receive in response that this is “a lie, a distortion of the truth.” But then what is the truth? Truth is a real and true reflection of reality displayed without distortion. Moreover, this concept exists regardless of the desires and ideas of people. But in psychology, the concept of lies is often given a slightly different definition. According to many experts, it is appropriate to decipher this term as "a deliberate misrepresentation of another person or group of persons by reporting incorrect information without prior warning." In simple words, the psychology of lies involves the intent of a liar in deception and the complete insecurity of those to whom they lie. A person who encounters a lie as a listener can never be completely sure whether or not he is being deceived.
Life is a school of lies
Many parents often turn to child psychologists with a question about what to do if young children (from the age of 3 years old) lie. Most often it is only about harmless childhood fantasies. Many babies have a developed imagination. When combined with bright fairy-tale images obtained from literature and cartoons, and with a minimal amount of real life experience, their imagination works especially productively. Parents should not be surprised if a monster wakes up under the bed, elves appear in the forest, and the domestic cat begins to turn into a tiger at night. The game of imagination is completely harmless until negative images frighten the child too much, and pleasant ones do not occupy the entire consciousness.
Children usually begin to really lie only at school, and we adults teach them that. Parents do not have time to notice how their baby grows up. In the endless “Why?” Period, we often, for fun or because of our own laziness / embarrassment, time for the child. Sooner or later, a small person notices deception. And indeed: chocolates cannot grow on a tree, and the neighbor Uncle Vanya is drunk and smells bad, and is not at all “just tired”. Having understood one of the tools of communication and interaction with others, I really want to try it myself - this is the psychology of lies. Why are children lying? Most often they try to lie, first of all because of curiosity - but whether adults will believe a lie. Another good reason is fear. If a child does not trust his parents or knows that for some misconduct he faces serious punishment, it’s easier to tell a lie.
Why are we telling lies?
The reasons why people lie are great. Most often it is all about personal gain. Wanting to enlist the support of the interlocutor, to get some privileges and benefits, I really want to lie. Such a lie is most often realized and thought out. A deceiver can spend several hours writing a realistic story or inventing arguments that are obviously far from the truth.But what other reasons are there for cheating, why do people lie? The psychology of lies calls one of the most popular motives forcing lies - the fear of punishment. And one should not think that only schoolchildren are deceiving for this reason. In fact, many adults are often not ready to bear responsibility for their own actions or, on the contrary, inaction. And in this case, it’s much easier to lie than tell the truth and wait for retribution.
Salvation lies
With the fact that most often people cheat for personal gain, we figured it out. But there is another popular kind of untruth - a lie for good. In this case, deliberately misleading the interlocutor, the deceiver believes that he is doing the right thing and is doing a good deed. But is it really so? Many popular proverbs say that in any situation "the bitter truth is better than the sweet lie." However, in fact, it is often more convenient for us to hide the death of relatives from the elderly, the loss of pets from children and other unpleasant events that can injure. The question is very complex, and the decision of what to do - to tell the truth or to lie - must be taken directly by the person who knows the truth. If we are talking about a situation that cannot be influenced regardless of knowledge of the truth, it may be acceptable to hide it or only partially open it.
To lie or not to lie?
Any person with high moral morality, before deceiving another, will think: is it worth doing this act. Only seasoned deceivers and fraudsters, for whom such a variant of communication is the norm, lie carelessly and regularly. From early childhood we are told that lying is bad, we need to live “right”, not hiding anything. The psychology of truth and lies is such that, being forced to lie, or faced with the deception of others, we experience discomfort, shame and resentment. Do you know all these emotions? Then, maybe it’s worth trying to work on yourself and give up lies as much as possible. Remember, any negative emotions are unnecessary stress and nervous tension. And we all know that such conditions and influences negatively affect the psychological and physical health of a person.
The subconscious mind does not like to lie
Scientists have proven that, without exception, all people are naturally programmed to the truth. Regardless of the degree of deception and the strength of the conscious desire to lie, our subconscious mind resists this action. This is not only a question of psychology; the reaction to a lie can be traced even at the physical level. It’s not without reason that the so-called lie detectors and other devices that can determine with high accuracy whether a person speaks the truth or not have been used for more than a decade. Of course, this option of exposing liars is not suitable for every day, since such equipment cannot be obtained for home use. But the psychology of lies offers a ton of alternative fraud recognition options. The main condition for someone who does not want to be deceived is utmost attention. Listen to your interlocutor and follow his behavior, gestures, intonations.
Gestures will say more than words
Want to know the truth, no matter how bitter it may be? You will have to remember the basics of the alphabet of the body and sign language. If during a conversation the narrator constantly, as if by chance, touches his face, tries to scratch his face, closes his mouth with his hand, as if joking, or simply touches his lips and chin - most likely, he has something to hide. Signs that should also alert you are extra touches on your neck, clothing collar, or jewelry. If a woman pulls earrings, and a man rubs his earlobe, these are also “symptoms” of lies.
But it turns out that if you remember all these gestures and consciously avoid them during a lie, you can remain captive? Theoretically, yes, but in practice, even experienced scammers, wanting to lie, completely concentrate on the conversation.They carefully select the words, make sure not to say too much and try to keep an even and calm timbre of the voice. The psychology of lies is such that, deliberately deceiving, it is difficult to control both your own voice / speech and body.
How and what does a liar say?
When a person consciously lies, he will speak briefly and in essence. But at the same time unnatural and unreasonable deepening in the details of the story is possible. To answer the question why this happens, psychology will help us again. How to recognize a lie by the structure of the story? Even if the deceiver had time to come up with a suitable story, he will try to tell it as quickly as possible. But, fearing to be exposed, our hero will certainly add a few digressions to his story, the task of which is to demonstrate the realism of the story. What is important: during the conversation, the liar will surely be inquisitively monitoring the reaction of the interlocutor, he must also be sure that they believed him.
Many deceivers, when they lie, speak more slowly than usual. You can doubt the reliability of the story even if your interlocutor often does not finish the sentences or repeats them. Ask the storyteller about something, he repeated the question before giving an answer to it? This means that the probability of fraud is quite high.
Psychology of lies and deceit: how to expose a liar and not make a mistake?
The easiest way to catch a trickster is to directly tell him during the conversation: "I do not believe you." Fraudsters react to such a statement sharply, often they literally explode, begin to prove that they are telling the truth, they can even portray an insult: “Am I lying? Who do you take me for? ”Don't rush to apologize. Honest people, faced with distrust, often really get offended and stop talking. If you want to continue the discussion, it is better to apologize first, however, the continuation of the conversation can be quite cool. And a similar reaction is also explained by the science of psychology. Recognizing a lie by aggressive attack will help to identify a liar with a high degree of accuracy. However, this same psychological technique can seriously offend an honest man and even worsen your relationship.
There are other methods of calculating lies. Ask the narrator to retell the whole story from the end to the beginning (in fact, this is a difficult task even for professional deceivers) or ask various additional questions. If a person tells a lie, he will be nervous and sooner or later make a mistake, talking about the details and some details.
Weaning a child from lying
The question of fantasy and lies in children's stories was already considered at the beginning of the article. But if you think that your child is cheating too often, and all this has nothing to do with a harmless game of imagination, psychology will help you. Children's lies, as a deliberate action, are usually formed in the school years. If a preschooler is lying, we can say with confidence that, most likely, he copies the behavior of adults. For example, mom says that she can’t take a walk with her child or go to the store for candy because she’s sick, and the next time the child will lie about feeling ill when he doesn’t want to put his toys in order or go to kindergarten.
The older the child becomes, the more sophisticated and complex methods of deception he experiences. If you began to notice a lie too often, your first priority as a parent is to try to create a comfortable microclimate at home and inspire your child with the idea that he can trust any secrets to mom and dad and tell about all the events of his life. Try to avoid harsh punishments, especially physical ones; instead, do not be lazy to explain each time what exactly the child is wrong with and look for ways to “atone for guilt” together.For example, if the son received a deuce, it is a reasonable punishment to devote an extra hour or two to homework instead of entertainment, and if the daughter broke a vase, you can instruct her to take part in the cleaning along with her mother.
What to do with adult cheaters
Noticing that their own children lie a lot, a parent can always change something in their upbringing. But what if an adult was caught in a lie? It all depends on how close your relationship is. If a relative or loved one is lying, the problem of fraud can be discussed in a relaxed atmosphere in private. Try to explain that you can be trusted, and lying is not the best way to build relationships.
The situation is much worse if you are faced with outright lies in the business sphere. In this case, it is useless to look for the answer to the question of why people lie. The psychology of lies can only help you notice deception on time. If misinformation hurts your personal interests, try to get to the bottom of the truth. Of course, the easiest way is to completely stop interacting with a pathological deceiver, but if this is not possible, your task is to try to outwit him.
The psychology of human lies: how to resist cheating yourself?
Popular wisdom says: you lie less, sleep peacefully. And indeed, excluding lies and all kinds of intrigues from your life, you become freer. It is much easier to live honestly, not choosing the right words when talking with others and not experiencing the fear of exposure. If you are used to cheating someone often enough, then you will have to unlearn such behavior for some time. Day after day, try to track the origin of the very desire to lie and deceive someone. You need to learn to literally force yourself to tell the truth. But over time, this behavior will become a habit will become natural for you. Take time for self-development and self-development on a daily basis, and you will notice that life will become much easier and more enjoyable.
Do not forget that the psychology of lies, the psychology of emotions - these are not at all boring areas of knowledge. Taking the time to study them, you will definitely learn a lot of interesting and useful things for yourself.